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February 09, 2005
So, the damn cat has frigging pink eye. For the next two weeks I have to cram my greasy, antibiotic-tipped finger into her eyeball three times a day. Her zeal for this activity is indicated by a menacing low-pitch growl that says, "If you weren't 15 times heavier than me, I'd fuck you up." Actually, she's a prety good sport about it.
I need a chainsaw. I need a chainsaw for a couple reasons. You might think the first reason is that I need a chainsaw to compensate for some sort of masculine or materialistic void in my life, and you might be right. Actually, I think the shortcoming is that the chainsaw represents the missing link in my firewood circle of life. Moving backwards from the fireplace, let's review the key components:
- I have the fireplace in which to burn the wood, which we do three to four times a week.
But I lack the tool to down a tree and cut it into several small pieces for splitting. Don't get me wrong, I'll fell a tree with an axe, but an axe is impractical for reducing the trunk into several fireplace length stumps.
The other reason I need/want a chainsaw is for doing battle with the countless sapplings that block all the sun from my backyard and serve as "danger-lettuce enablers." The Geester and I would like to get our garden on, but there is not nearly enough light in the garden area. "Well why don't you just move the garden?" Cram it, dunderpate. I'm going to move the sunlight. And I'm going to do it with a chainsaw. Don't get me wrong, we have a ton of great trees and those aren't going anywhere. We just want to reclaim some square footage from the underbrush.
Also, think of the blogging potential.Posted by tony at February 9, 2005 09:26 AM