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November 09, 2004

100 things about some jackass from Smyrna

I never really climbed aboard the "100 things about me" bandwagon. Simply maintaining a website called tonysimon.org is plenty narcississy for me, thanks. I tried to do 100 things about the election last week and only made it to 67 before I passed out in a puddle of my own blood and drool. The Geester, however, did a list of 100 things about herself a couple weeks ago and enjoyed it so much that she immediately followed it up with a list of 100 things about yours fondly. When she first told me she was writing it, I thought, "Oh shit." But I should have known better because the list is incredibly flattering. Seriously, I'm blushing.

1. His first word was "turkey"
2. He said it after another driver cut off his father
3. Now he cuts off other drivers
4. They probably call him worse things than "turkey"
5. His favorite job was being a pizza delivery driver
6. Sometimes people offered him pot or beer as tip
7. He always said no
8. But he did call into work drunk once
9. He's always wanted to call in Fantastic!
10. He worked in the pizza business for a long time
11. He can still eat pizza every day
12. Sometimes two times a day
13. He says he likes tomatoes
14. But always scrapes them to the side of his plate
15. He also says he is a boob man
16. But I never catch him looking at women's boobs
17. I only catch him looking at their butts
18. If he had a famous girlfriend it would be Alyson Hannigan
19. Yes, that is the flute girl from American Pie
20. He really doeas start stories with the phrase: "This One Time, at Band Camp"
21. They're usually mostly true
22. His tattoo does not stand for the Foo Fighters
23. It means Fortissimo
24. "To play as loud as you can while still maintaining good tone"
25. He would like to get another tattoo
26. It would be a symbol for rhythm and water
27. He drums in his sleep
28. He got into the music program at Northwestern
29. But went to UGA instead
30. We met there
31. In a weather & climate class
32. Then we took Biology classes together
33. That is not where he learned about the birds and the bees
34. He skipped 4th grade
35. He is very good at Scrabble
36. Though he likes to make up words
37. For lots of extra points
38. He gets cranky if he's losing
39. He almost never loses at arm wrestling
40. He beat or friend Orion, from Alaska
41. He's the only person who's ever done that
42. Once he and Mike Douglas made 3 batches of chocolate chip cookies
43. Just to see how much dough the kitchen aid mixer could hold
44. His belly button holds a lot of lint
45. He is obsessed with our lawn
46. Mostly he wants to tell hippies to get off of it
47. We have never had any hippies on our lawn
48. He is not obsessed with video games
49. Except for Tony Hawk Pro Skater
50. He is not obsessed with gambling
51. Or stripers
52. He does like to watch the Hooters Dance
53. He has one Playboy magazine
54. He got it in Prague
55. It has a Spice Girl on the cover
56. She's wearing a leather Union Jack dress
57. His favorite meal as a little kid was called "Porkies, Noodles, and Corn"
58. He keeps an ammo box filled with sentimental things
59. He is most proud of the pictures of himself fake humping things
60. Those are not in the ammo box
61. He used to collect Zippos
62. Now he doesn't collect anything
63. He is a loyal friend
64. But he will put ANYTHING on his website
65. He is a sucker for cats
66. Expecially when they stretch out on their backs all long
67. He never picks fights
68. He does like to push people's buttons
69. He is always funny
70. Even when he is annoying
71. Admit it
72. He likes to sleep on extra firm pillows
73. He has been hit by a car before
74. He almost landed on his feet
75. His head dented the frame around the windshield
76. He has a head like Homer Simpson
77. He giggles at cartoons
78. He eats lunch standing up at the counter
79. "Grazing" he calls it
80. It's really just messy
81. He drinks organic, bird-friendly coffee
82. We visited a coffee plantation on our honeymoon
83. And also ate a lot of pizza
84. He wears his wedding ring for one reason
85. And that is to open beer bottles
86. Just kidding
87. Kind of
88. He has never been disrespectful to his wife
89. Or to women in general
90. It is because he is partially color blind
91. He needs us to tell him what to wear
92. He thinks green is purple
93. You will never catch him wearing a turtle neck
94. He hates things touching his neck
95. Even when making out
96. He prefers the mountains to the ocean
97. He is a great skier
98. Not so much a snowboarder
99. He believes chicken noodle soup and orange juice are the best medicine
100. His laugh is contagious.

Posted by tony at November 9, 2004 09:28 AM