As I was leaving a comment over at Scrivenings about cooking, I suddenly remembered a funny from a couple weeks ago that had slipped my mind until just now. Does everyone remember last fall\’s chili cookoff? For those of you who don\’t, it was the one where I annihilated everyone for the second year in a row. That\’s right, that one. Those of you who were there remember that our stove burned the shit out of Jay and Kaycee\’s vegetarian creation, ultimately rendering it briquette-flavored. I still feel bad about this and all it\’s implications (cookoff hosted at my house = my stove ruins one of the entries = I win the cookoff = shady?). We have since discovered that the right rear eye on our electric stove has only two seetings … off and high. Even when it is set at LO, the eye glows red like the fires of hail. To buy: new stove.
Anyhoo … a week or so after the cookoff, Kaycee and Jay invited us to dinner at their house. They remade their chili entry and they also recreated my Mother Puncherer recipe based on my web instructions. They toned back the heat a little bit, but everything else was authentic. The recipe replicated rather well if I don\’t say so myself, which I usually do. Also in attendance was Jay\’s younger sister and some of their other friends whose names I don\’t recall because it was 5 months ago and I am an incredible asshole. We all ate chili and had a grand old time.
Fast forward to the weekend before last. We were back at Jay and Kaycee\’s for another wonderful dinner. They cooked buffalo steaks AND salmon and made it seem like they were simply cleaning out the fridge. Not too shabby. Jay\’s sister was again in attendance, but before she got there, it slipped out that she had gone to the hospital the day after the the last time we saw her.
\”Beg pardon?\”
\”Yeah, she tried some of the Mother Puncherer and the next day she felt bad enough that she had to go to the hospital.\”
Oh, sweet, glorious triumph. I would never intend Jay\’s sister any harm, but there are few things more rewarding than having your own spicy cooking put someone in the hospital. Better yet, it wasn\’t even my cooking but someone cooking something they learned about on this website. HA!!1 I have only put one other person in the hospital. It was with wing sauce while I was cooking at Gus\’ in college. Some jackass said, \”Tell the cook to make them as hot as he can.\” Sometimes I think back and I feel bad for that guy the same way I feel bad for the possum that tries to cross the freeway. \”Poor, stupid bastard.\”
I was wondering how long it would take from the time you found out about that to brag about it over all the internets.
You should definitely get a booth at Chomp and Stomp. Make those Cabbage Town hipsters shit blood.
Yes … chili contests will be entered this year. I need to carve a chili-tasting spoon out of a piece of firewood.
A piece of firewood? I think it should be carved out of the femur of an insane cow raised on psychadelic chili peppers on a New Mexican indian reservation. But firewood is okay too. If you’re into the whole conventionality thing.
I’ve tried to commet on my own site but Blogger won’t let me. That pasta recipe is good for picnics and everyday eating, not sure it’s glorious enough to be worth the full treatment. But maybe I’m wrong.
I’m sure you already know about it, but that Sears scratch-n-dent place up Atlanta road would be a good place to go to look for a new stove…
There’s probably an untapped market in cow femur spoons. You might want to check that out. I once smoke out of a chicken foot pipe, so I don’t think a bone spoon would be too much weirderererer . . . er.